what dread hand

I like Mohinder.

I'm one of the few people in the world who liked him from very early on. was the one who prompted me into watching season one, and I remember one of the first conversations I had with her involved my love for (the at that point still highly ambiguous) HRG, the awesome cuteness of Hiro and Charlie, and the hot that is Mohinder.

I liked his conflicting emotions about his father's research, how he wanted to protect it and prove it, but how he was also impatient and angry with himself for still wanting Chandra's approval after all these years. I loved his banter with Eden; to this day, I still think she was his only true "match", a person who would obviously care about and care for him, never dismissing his emotions or issues, but who also knows his stubborn nature, accepts it all, and counters it with reason and humour.

Mohinder cares about people, on a fundamental level, and wants to guide them and save them, and is clearly of the opinion that science is of no use in and of itself, that research is only relevant when it can be applied, and applied for good. This is why he leaves India for the second time. This is why he refuses to experiment with the virus. But he seems to dislike most people he meets, and they seems to be annoyed by him, and it all makes me giggle. It's understandable, of course. At the same time as being kind and helpful on a, what should we say, theoretical level, Mohinder is also impatient, impulsive, rude, stubborn (I've said this one twice now), and at times even smug and superior. I love all of that about him. He wants to help people and he's idealistic, but he has little social skill, has to try very hard whenever he needs to be diplomatic, and isn't actually very nice or open or, God forbid, meek.

Mohinder knows the difference between the general and the specific, between the conceptual and the concrete. He is a scientist, he knows that some species have eradicated and will continue to eradicate other species, he knows this is how evolution works. On some level, I believe he knows there's no way for him to tell whether Sylar is an agent of this evolutionary process, or plain psychotic. But he knows that in this concrete situation, he will kill Sylar. He knows that in that cencrete situation, he will stop Sylar from committing genocide -- even though he himself wrote of the very clear possibility of genocide. Mohinder sees the line between theory and practise, and is highly concerned with what he believes is morally right, over what he might understand to be scientific fact. Mohinder has no doubt about which he will choose, not even as Sylar sees his dichotomy of science and morals and mercilessly provokes it.

The above is how I understand Mohinder as a scientist and man. I also believe this is how Chandra understood Mohinder, hence the "heart of stone" comment. Mohinder can't commit to science alone, it's not in him. Perhaps said in other words, Mohinder would not have made Sylar. Even if he had, Mohinder would have committed himself to stop what he made, not simply distance himself as Chandra did. This is why, in the Sylar storyline, Chandra dies and Mohinder comes to the US.

That leads me to 2x07. But alas, I have no more time; must shower and leave. Wah!

So I'm back to blogging, and the one thing I promised myself was that I'd put all RPS-related stuff in extended entries so people could easily avoid it, but already I'm faced with something I can't clearly categorize. It's not really RPS, but ... it's ... um. Oh well, whatever.

Me: Gona sleep. See you~
Ela: What!
Me: ya rly
Ela: NOWAI
Ela: U SUK
Me: I do.
Me: NOT AS MUCH AS ZQ
Me: sorry.
Ela: ...
Ela: ZQ sucks his own nipples?
Me: He probably does.
Me: He does yoga, remember?
Ela: ...he does?
Me: Yep.
Ela: ...thanks, now I'm picturing ZQ as a sexual perpetuum mobile
Me: Hua hua, aren't we all?
Ela: THE FIRST MAN TO SUCK HIS OWN CO... nevermind >_>
Me: Nah, been done before.
Ela: ...seriously?
Me: Yeah.
Me: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autofellatio
Me: Funny, I was looking this up a few days ago.
Ela: I always assumed you had to be lacking ribs for that
Me: It looks painful to me either way.
Ela: American biologist Craig Bartle reported that fewer than 1% of men can successfully suck or lick their own penises.
Ela: How did he find THAT out? >_>
Me: SCIENCE
Ela: AHA
Me: But now I'll sleep and hope not to dream of ZQ in that position.

I sure do hope.

I'd been thinking about doing one of these for weeks, but Amanda posted an online comic easter egg of Niki/Mohinder goodness, and then I just had to, didn't I?

13 pics, 600kb

Why has no one written this? No, seriously -- why?

I also did a picspam of the four cast members in Tokyo some time back, which I've now archived. Much Masi/Sendhil goodness in Tokyo.

I'd make a Greg/Sendhil picspam next if it weren't for the fact that an excellent one exists already.

Ela-tan, what do you want for your birthday?

And Jenn, what do you want for Christmas so I can show my gratitude for the Z!NK you sent me (among other things)?

And Kat, what can I get you for that awesome Mohinder pic?

What? What? WHAT? GUYS I'M SO LOST GUYS TELL ME

... I'll go watch Chuck now.

♥

On one hand, I'm not saying anything to warrent the RPS category.

On the other hand, I'm thinking it so strongly I fear the look in my eyes is scaring the customers.

*is a creepy perpetual shipper*

Also, can't get the source link to work. Need more pics, dammit.

ETA the morning after: aerie posted pics of other screen actors in the comments; huge dewatermarked versions of Greg and Sendhil at Heroes Addiction (you need a login); and there's one alternate shot at United Hollywood.

And now I go back to writing. For the first time in, ahahahaha, too many days to mention.

I ship the two aunts (Ellen Greene and Swoosie Kurtz) and I blame Ela for it. Except they sure do have interesting wardrobe and hair. They should be unrelated and sleep in the same bed.

I was asking Ela earlier, after only having watched the pilot, whether there was fic where the two main characters have sex through plastic foil. She objected loudly, saying this show was too innocent to have such filthy fic, but it seems pretty much canon to me. End of episode three? They totally did it after the fadeout, sry2say. The show on the whole: love it, episode three really picked up.

No, I've been doing nothing but catching up on TV shows all weekend, why do you ask?

(Also, Chuck: still boring; Levi needs to cut his hair, grow some dirty stubble, and start wearing really really tight tee-shirts for me to keep watching. As it is, I'll just be over here re-reading the Z² RPS.)

It's not a subject I talk about a lot, except occasionally to complain about the misogynistic women in fandom, but let me talk about it for once in reference to an actual object of fandom. Namely, the show Chuck. Here's why I don't want to watch it, above and beyond "its pacing is bad and bores me so much I find myself reading youtube comments instead of actually following the story":

1. Chuck (both the show and its title character) is a prime example of how men can be attractive even when they don't fall into the conventional definitions of "desirable traits both physical and mental" that our civilization and culture upholds.
2. While women cannot. They must be conventionally attractive and preferably have the model-type thin body of no hips and no ass and no muscle, even when they're combat-trained special agents.

First point: Chuck is a nerd, but he can get the hot girl because he's special. He works as a sales clerk but he's too good for that and everyone knows this. Turns out he's even too good for the CIA, because he's too good a guy, and everyone knows it. He's the jerk-off fantasy of nerds everywhere, the one they can identify with to tell themselves that they, too, are too good for the lives they live and their ugly girlfriends, and they are "special" like Chuck and everyone will know it some day, while they laugh at the nerdy and pathetic antics of Morgan, Chuck's supposed best friend who is actually only in the show to make Chuck look good and make the nerd viewers feel better about themselves, because hey, if they can laugh at Morgan it just means they aren't as pathetic as him, right?

Second point: I honestly think this speaks for itself if you've seen the female lead and female guest stars of this show.

I don't mind any of this, per se. I don't mind that male viewers get a jerk-off fantasy or two on their TV. God knows this fantasy isn't solely a male thing; the gender-swapped version of the plain girl who is "discovered" by the attractive male lead because she's "special" in some unexplained, unfathomable way is certainly rampant in the lighter spectrum of fiction for girls and women being produced as we speak.*

I just, y'know, don't care. I hate the model body type in women, as it does nothing for me, and I hate that this show (and many others) display it as though it's the only attractive body shape that a woman can have. Variety would be nice. Variety in fan service would also be nice, which is why I think Chuck should cut his hair, grow some stubble, and wear really really tight tee-shirts. And make out with his male best friend from university in flashbacks. He won't, though. So I won't watch it.

* Though maybe I should add that I dislike this jerk-off fantasy, too, because it seems to propagate the idea that women should realize themselves through men or at least through romance, which is a notion I dislike and never identified with. I identify as sexual (porn? sex? masturbation? orgasm? all great!), but I'm decidedly aromantic.

Why?

1. Heroes Unmasked episode 17: Bad Company The One About Mylar (thanks Anna!)

2. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, Jenn's back!

3. Got a download link for the Parley fest interview with cast and crew via seedy means (thanks to Ade&Zarina) and after one night of sleep the file is even available again, and I'm at 51% now oh-em-gee!

4. Spoiler for episode 11 in extended entry (via Bobby)

When I read it again it was sort of long and offensive towards Americans, so I hid it. Read at own risk.

But Sendhil wriggling his feet in that Parley Fest Q&A: still so adorable OMG. ♥

Wanna see something scary?

It appears that after having been blaaaaaaaaaaah about Heroes and seeking refuge in Chuck, Pushing Daisies, and Dexter, I got my Heroes funk back in full force.

Because I had this long dream about Zachary Quinto in which we hung out. Not doing anything particularly interesting, mind. I remember we played cards. And he told me when he lived in [somewhere undefined in the dream, but I suppose he'd have said Ireland], he used to play solitaire all the time and had 20 (!) decks of cards lying around that he was trying to solve. Then someone called him up and offered to drive him to the Mediterranean, and he accepted, and I saw him off at a dock.

Yeah.

It was an odd dream, bordering on a nightmare, because in my mind ZQ is cool while I'm not, which gave me an overwhelming sense of inadequacy and self-consciousness.

In completely different news, there's this one thing I thought of yesterday that I'd love love love to be able to do for Christmas, but I'm not sure I could manage it with that deadline. I'd need focus. Which, uh, I don't have. I'll try, though!

I Just had a sense of jamais vu while looking through a list of 233 referrers, of which at least 220 contained the word "livejournal".

Is "livejournal" a real word? Is it a real place? I can't tell anymore.

Anyhow, I made a .htaccess file and denied a few referrers (including Xanga) from accessing this domain. If you're affected ... uh, you wouldn't be looking at this page. But if you're affected and think you shouldn't be, let me know!

ETA: oh-em-gee Ritter Sports Yogurt is back!!! I've been looking for it for years and I haven't been able to find it anywhere, except in stores that imported it illegally from Germany and other lawless countries of the world! It has a new design, even! (The packaging used to be blue.) And the one I bought says it's a new improved recipe! Yum!

Man, best chocolate ever.

I was wanting to write part two of this post before episode nine aired, but um. Didn't get around to.

Basically what I wanted to say was, the reason Mohinder working with/for the Company won't work out is not because the Company is objectively evil, but because it operates in such a way that goes against everything that is natural to Mohinder.

Mohinder does what he believes to be "the right thing" in any given situation. When he doesn't, like when he doesn't shoot Sylar right away but instead opts to experiment on him, this is because he is doing what he believes someone else (in this case, Chandra) would have done, not what comes naturally to him to do. He postponed his own judgement in favour of scientific research which might benefit someone sometime in the future. As we all know, it backfired. In FYG, Sylar nearly convinced Mohinder that killing off the mutated humans were the best option for a better future. Mohinder came to his senses in the concrete situation of killing Hiro or not, because he knew it was the right thing for him to do in that split-second. This is how Mohinder operates.

The Company operates on completely different terms. The Company operates on "if we do these shady things now, it will turn out for the better in the future". They experiment on people and give them drugs and keep them captive, and even plan to blow up NY, because they believe it is for a better tomorrow. Mohinder just doesn't work this way; they are the anti-Mohinder, so to speak, thematically.

This is why working with the Company is wrong for Mohinder. And where am I going with this? I'm trying to say that in the world of story-telling, the most obvious redemption for someone who went against his own nature is death. This is why, ever since Mohinder got a bit too honest with Bob, I've been having a sneaking suspicion that Mohinder could die in this arc. I don't want it to happen, and after the spoilers I've seen of episode 11 I stopped thinking it would, but he really, really needs to get away from the Company.

Anna: Well, if Sylar wants to spend more time with Mo, he needs to get along with his friends.
Anna: The Spice Girls agree.
Me: The Spice Girls are wise. They also say remember to Put It On. Sylar should listen.
Anna: XD
Me: Who knows what filthy places he's been in! :<
Me: ... and that wasn't supposed to come off misogynistic, wtf. o_O
Anna: Sylar is the guy you want to have good hygiene, it's true.
Anna: He plays with people's blood.
Me: Exactly! Yes! That's what I meant!

Fandom has tainted me. I worry that every word coming out of my mouth might be racist or misogynist.

subject: Do NOT read this until you've seen the episode

... that's just mean. *fidgets*

And I just downloaded a tiny little clip of the preview, and FUCK YEAH.

And ... my download is slow as always, so I'll be a hermit until it finishes.

Holy shit!

I slept on it, and yeah, I still love 2x09. I also still need an icon that says "Joe/Sendhil = OTmotherfuckingP". Seriously, what sort of favours did you do the guy in college, Sendhil?

(That was vulgar, sorry. But I'm a vulgar sort of person.)

What's amazing about Pokaski's script is probably that I can now believe something which has been brought up in fandom multiple times, but I never though I'd be able to believe: Mohinder going bad and working with Sylar. Or maybe more "mental" than "bad". Until yesterday I was certain Mohinder couldn't be pushed as far as to completely lose faith in his own morals, that even if you did he'd bounce back and find his purpose again, and I still want the show to redeem him at some point, but fuck if I don't want them to push him entirely over the edge and make him a homicidal maniac first! It'd be so plausible. And that's to Pokaski's credit, that he was willing to take these characters so far emotionally.

But on the other hand, I also want Mohinder and Sylar to make out next Monday, so you might imagine I'm not prone to getting what I want. (For the record, I think they could totally make out now and it wouldn't even be OOC. The only thing standing between them making out is Mohinder's moral objections to Sylar, and if he's being as self-hating as I expect and hope [please don't much this up, whoever wrote the next script] him to be, that'd go out the window.)

Oh oh oh, now that I'm at wishes, you know what I also want? Mohinder with an eyepatch! Mohinder with future!Peter-style scars all over, especially running up his neck! Mohinder with noseblood, Angela-style! Mmm.

What's sad, though, is that if Mohinder went bad and began to kill people left and right without any thought to it, fandom would start liking him more. Because a maniac who kills people left and right = badass. Or something. Oh shuttup fandom, you don't deserve Mohinder.

I was talking about this episode on IM and LJ comments everywhere and probably annoying people like whoa yesterday, but I'm just so damn happy that a new episode of Heroes has given me so much to talk about. I promise I won't go into "defensive Mohinder fan" mode again. I think. I hope.

P.S. Also, of course, this episode has made me want to write fic again. I have so many abandoned plotbunnies from before season two, it's scary. I should make a list.

Fount it! :D

(I personally didn't like it all that much, which is probably why I had forgotten all about it for months, but there seems to be a lots of comments on it, so what do I know? ETA: Probably mostly because I think Oz is too good for any sort of fic, and I don't like Nathan so I won't buy Keller -- whom I adore -- being fascinated with him. Has very little to do with the fic itself. And I thought I'd like this brand of crossover, but I don't think I'll like it unless the supernatural elements of Heroes was ignored, since it doesn't fit. It'd have been nicer to just have seen a purely political conflict.)

P.S. These last couple of days have been the most fun I've had in fandom since the season finale. The meta and Mohinder-lusting I've shared with a handful of people have overwhelmed the horror that is general fandom. Thanks, guys. ♥

to make Mohinder look ugly. I think we all knew that particular promo pic was photoshopped a wee bit too much, but I didn't realize until the close-ups came out that they had actually, honest-to-god, photoshopped Mohinder's bottom lip thinner.

What the hell?! The bottom lip is one of Mohinder's top five most attractive features! The hair is also ugly here, but the lack of sensual bottom lip is overshadowing it.

(I didn't even dare to look at the close-up of Sylar. He looked like a horse when there was only a tiny version, god knows what he looks like huge.)

I mean, seriously! Look!

(I know my obsession is unhealthy; you don't have to inform me. I once begged Ela to write fic about the prettiest parts of Mohinder, including bottom lip. And dammit, now I crave fic about Mohinder's nipples again.)

ETA: Okay, I'm sitting here at work and thinking back on the look in Mohinder's eyes in the van, and it's seriously making me teary-eyed. What the fuck, Momo. Stop being so heartbreaking.

Potentially disturbing.

I just realized Joe Pokaski was the one who killed Eden.

Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

Maybe.

Stolen from Adeline (gossy16@lj), who stole it from the TWoP boards (where I haven't dared to go since 2x09 aired), re: the commentary:

Kristen Bell talking about how Sendhil and Jack danced around and sang with the gun between takes was freaking hilarious!
(rowanceleste)

How much do I love this cast? Let me count the ways.

Honest, I made the mistake to look at an icon post yesterday which contained anti-Mohinder sentiments and I was irrationally blue, and -- wait, I'm talking about Mohinder again. Stop. My point was merely that the cast is making me feel all better again, so yay!

Hi there again, TWoP people! *waves*

... orz

Ela: ZQ's penis: Like a baby's arm
Alicia: o yes
Ela: Sendhil: "...does that even fit? That's freakish!"
Alicia: It's never going to fit! D: D: D:
Alicia: Shame.
Ela: ZQ: I huff and I puff and I stretch and I fetch until it fits! :D
Ela: Sendhil: ;_;
Alicia: Sendhil: T____T
Alicia: Me: :D :D :D
Ela: XD

We should never be allowed near any of them. (That goes for you, too, Jenn. sry2say. Actually, the only person looking at this blog who should be allowed is probably Anna. She's very sane like that.)

... I just made plans for Tuesday completely forgetting that's Heroes day for me. Dammit, Heroes, how do you dare make me forget by sucking for so long, then turn good! I'll need to come up with a good excuse.

Yesterday I was told I have to work on the 24th and the 31st. Because I'm the second-most experienced person in that place. AS IF THERE WILL BE ANYTHING TO DO. Except on the 31st we'll be making an inventory.

WTF. WTF. WTF. WHY.

Also, my back hurts. Whine. I'll go tidy up now, and then type up stuff for the presentation tomorrow. Whiiiiiine. If you see me online, please distract me.

ETA: The item I find most often while tidying up and going through my stuff is pieces of clothing I haven't worn in years (if ever). Today, I found this:

Zach wouldn't approve. (It needs more pink.)

Also, I transferred pictures from my camera for the first time in months, so have the view from my window:

Naked trees against the evening sky is one of my favorite things. I love this tree, especially in the winter.

(I don't clearly remember, but I actually think the smoky stuff in the left side of the first pic isn't fog but rather smoke from the riots and demonstations they've been here for the last months.)

I haven't watched the sneak peaks (because I'm excited about this episode for the first time in months), but I have been reading bits and pieces of info in various places, and ...

As if it weren't enough that Amanda put the thought of Niki/Elle/Mohinder in my brain this morning, this fandomsecret has completely destroyed my brain and reduced me to a gigging pulp of fangirlish ... flesh.

I have a presentation in an hour. I'm already creeping out my course mate (he's sitting across from me right now, having lunch) by smirking and giggling at the drop of a hat while he discussed Krashen.

I am doomed.

Doomed.

ETA: I survived. Now I'm smirking again. Stop.

Jenn: I can't think of Zach/Sylar as anything NEAR straight. I just can't imagine such a thing. Like...unicorns existing or something.
Me: *giggles* Nice metaphor.
Jenn: Heh, I know.
Me: That needs an icon. "Zachary Quinto's heterosexuality: like unicorns, in a way."

Man, I'm spamming a lot today. Just very very excited for 2x10, I suppose. All the previews and spoilers aren't helping. I really can't seem to figure out where it's going, and that's making me happy.

ETA: Anna is awesome but you knew, right?

Dexter 2x09: Hahahaha, wow, they sure took that to a difficult place! Them solving this without someone dying would be like S/M getting it on without anyone getting amnesia. So to speak.

HAHAHAHAHAHA what the fuck HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Spoilers, etc. Also, very long post.

RPS entry, I tell you.

Ela was in a writing mood (for once!) after I mentioned how Mohinder looks about ready to puke after his phone call with Sylar in 2x10.

So we were talking about Mohinder vomiting, and all sorts of other really really degrading things Sylar could force Mohinder into, and I was telling her all the stuff I liked that I thought she should include, and you shouldn't read the extended entry if you don't like that sort of thing.

I slept for three hours (curses, Mohinder torture porn!) and wake up completely shaky and just need a bucket of coffee and light entertainment to clear my head before I head out, and what does my flist give me?

TEMPTING, TEMPTING SNEAK PEEKS.

EVEN MORE TEMPTION BEHIND-THE-SCENES.

I fell for it, obviously. It's not my fault, I wasn't in any mental state to be able to resist ... MYLAR!

Not so much spoilers as keyboardsmashing below.

(Am doing the requests. Just really really slowly.)

Zach/Sendhil, "Goddamn hot". 200 words.

I've been reading 'em.

(Why do I keep being tempted to spoilers every early morning? Maybe I should stop going online at these hours.)

My money on who dies, not really speculative since they're based on spoilers I've been reading all season:

I need a bit of a break and more sleep, and also to write something instead of constantly talking about writing something, so I'll be off IM for a bit.

If you need to contact me, or if you write any awesome Mohiner torture or RPS porn, feel more than welcome to e-mail me. Actually, if you write it I demand you send it to my e-mail. Like, really. Or I'll be pissy. Yes.

megante @ bricked . net OR
hasunoutena @ gmail . com

I feel unloved. WTF? That's the last thing I am. I need to write a Mohinder-appreciation post to make myself feel better. Or something. My Mohinder love keeps growing every time I think it couldn't be any larger, seriously.

GIMME MY HIATUS SO I CAN GET OFF THIS HIGH DAMMIT

(What, I like Sylar snowclones.)

Also, 800 comments. w00t yay. The 800th was me trying not to fap to Mohinder torture porn. Go me.

Stuff I want to write in the hiatus but probably never will, because I never write anything I say I want to write:

Okay, so this is turning out to be one of those days where I'm feeling like a complete worthless piece of a human being, and no one wants me around anyway so I should rather go erase all traces of my existence and never show my face anywhere again.

Not healthy. I should look for distraction. Kids in the Hall clips on youtube oddly not helping. Dammit.

Worst feeling in the world. I swear.